Bancuri

Pe patul de moarte sta intins un mos de 80 de ani, sot, tata, bunic, strabunic. I se apropie sfarsitul si de jur imprejurul patului sta toata familia: sotia, toti copiii si toti nepotii si cativa stranepoti. Toti asteptau in liniste si deodata batranul se trezeste si spune:
- Trebuie sa va spun un secret mare! Aveam de toate: masini bune, femei frumoase, multi prieteni si un cont mare in banca. Intr-o zi mi-a spus un prieten ca trebuie sa ma insor, ca sa am o famile ca altfel nu o sa aibe cine sa-mi dea un pahar cu apa pe patul mortii. Ei si asa m-am insurat si viata mea s-a schimbat radical. In loc sa merg la discoteca cu femei, stau acasa si ma uit la seriale, cu sotia.
Masina o folosesc doar ca sa duc si aduc copiii de la scoala si sa mergem impreuna in concediu la mare. Toti bani din banca s-au dus pe scolile voastre. Zilele frumoase si libertatea mea... le-a luat vantul! Si acum cand stau intins si astept moartea, stiti ce e cel mai rau din toate?
- Ce? il intreaba cu totii.
- Nu mi-e sete!

How To Be a Great Progressive Rock Reviewer In 10 Easy Steps

(by Daniel Barrett as posted on the rec.music.progressive newsgroup)



Reviewing progressive rock albums can be simple. Are you tired of
agonizing over the right words to use? Confused about your subject
matter? Or are you just a lazy pig? Then use the following tips, and
prog rockers everywhere will believe your every word. Trust me. Each
tip is followed by an example so you can see exactly how it's done.


1. In every review, you MUST praise the Mellotron. Always describe
it using the word "wash." "Gentile Goyim's keyboardist, Kerry
Mayonnaise, treats the listener to spectacular, warm washes of
everybody's favorite Mellotron." FOR BONUS POINTS, also mention the
Hammond B-3, and imply violence. "Greg Palmer's raw, two-fisted Hammond
work pierces the listener's eardrums with sonic knives." EXTRA BONUS
POINTS if you mention either of these instruments, and they don't
actually appear in the music. "On the road, King Creampuff's keyboard
setup consists of grand piano, harpsichord, and several analog synths,
but strangely, no Mellotron." (Not gonna lie I am guilty of this!! lol)



2. Any band that uses cello automatically gets a rave review. For bonus
points, use the word "haunting." "As the music fades, a haunting solo
cello appears out of nowhere, accompanied by a trio of Mellotrons,
washing away." Subtract ten points if you compare the music to "Eleanor
Rigby."



3. If the music has flute in it, compare it to Jethro Tull. It doesn't
matter that the music is really death metal, chanting monks, or atonal
birdsong: YOU MUST MENTION TULL. For extra points, mention Camel too.
"Paraan's music features Hyperia Gomez on flute, inviting comparison to
Jethro Tull or Camel, even though the flute's main use is as a handy
mallet to bang several large gongs."



4. You don't have to bother describing the music. Just list the
instruments and let the reader imagine the rest. "From out of New
Zealand comes Genghis Ka-Ka, one of the finest prog bands I've ever
heard. If you are a fan of acoustic guitar, haunting cello, and
explosive, annihilating Hammond B-3, you MUST check out this album."



5. Mention the length of at least one song. Extra points if you call it
an "opus." "Side 2 of the album is completely taken up by 'Ode to
Bowser', a 22-minute magnum opus based on the theme from 'My Dog Has
Fleas.'"


6. Casually mention the name of an extremely obscure band that one
of the musicians used to play in, making your reader feel REALLY stupid
or disloyal for not knowing it. "... featuring Sergio Blammobarpher,
whom fans will no doubt recall as the charismatic ex-triangle player
from ubiquitous Icelandic proggers Hund Extinctski Thirstifollicle."
THE CUNEFORM COROLLARY: put completely obscure band names in
parentheses for extra points. "Rounding out the group's sound is
Bridgid Kirsch (Dootwhapper, B'nai Gwelzh) on freshly washed Mellotron."



7. The Syn-Phonic Rule: Praise every album by calling it the "best"
example of a totally contrived category. Don't forget the exclamation
points. * Museo Rubenstein, PASTAFAZOOL ($18). Possibly the ultimate
Eskimo bassoon band of all time!!!!



8. If a progressive album features very long, drawn-out, incredibly
repetitive, boring instrumentals, call it "space music." "Space rockers
Mimsy Borogoves specialize in atmospheric drones that last upwards of
four hours before switching notes."



9. Use abbreviations known only to seasoned proggers. "Zyzzyva's music
is a thrilling blend of PFM, HTM, RIO, TNR, ZNR, and PDQ Bach."



10. Every keyboard/bass/drums trio MUST be compared to ELP. Every
quiet, symphonic prog album MUST be compared to PER UN AMICO. All raw,
loud music MUST be compared to King Crimson's RED. All counterpoint
MUST be compared to Gentle Giant. Bonus points if it sounds nothing
like Gentle Giant.



Every "old Genesis style" band MUST be
compared to Marillion, not Genesis. Every male vocalist with a high
voice MUST be compared to Jon Anderson. Every female vocalist,
regardless of range or style, MUST be compared to
Annie Haslam. Every band that uses sudden, unpredictable tempo and time
signature changes MUST be compared to Barry Manilow. "Angled Guard,
Sweden's newest prog sensation, combines the beauty of PER UN AMICO
with the rawness of RED, producing a progressive, symphonic
extravaganza that could only have come from Marillion. Lead singers Jon
Haslam and Annie Anderson are pictured on the album cover, inserting
twin flutes up Barry Manilow's nose... taking the instrument far beyond
anything Camel and Tull ever did."

excelent


To the airport:
- Name? - Abdul al-Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no… I mean male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn’t that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast.

Banc premiat cu Pulitzer aparent.

Se petrece in metrou:
Un tanar se scoala de pe scaun si i-l ofera politicos unei doamne in varsta.
Doamna lesina.
Cand isi revine din lesin, doamna ii multumeste tanarului.
Tanarul lesina.


hmm...trebuie, se pare, sa iti dai seama bine de tot care e catch-ul.

A hint?

Adica ce, nu ti-ai dat seama?

Eu sunt ardelean 100%, ma prind ultimul

na atunci, cred ca e un "banc" care te sfatuieste sa descoperi ca "lumea" in care tanarul si femeia sunt pusi nu mai este una a bunului simt, a ingaduintei sau a politetei. Astfel, cei doi sunt atat de socati de gesturile celuilalt.

sau asa ceva...

Cum se curata toaleta in mod placut
Instructiuni detaliate:
1. Ridica cele 2 capace ale toaletei si toarna in bazin 1/8 cana de sampon pentru animale de companie.
2. Prinde pisoiul si mangaie-l linistitor în timp ce-l duci catre baie.
3. Atentie! Cu o singura miscare pune pisoiul in toaleta si inchide cele 2 capace. Fii pregatit sa te asezi pe capac.
4. Pisoiul incepe sa se agite si face multi clabuci. Nu lua in seama zgomotele care razbat prin capacele toaletei, pisoiului chiar ii place foarte mult sa te ajute.
5. Trage apa de 3 sau 4 ori. Aceasta actiune provoaca fenomenul de spalare Turbo si clatire.
6. Roaga pe cineva sa deschida usa casei. Asigura-te ca pe traseul baie-usa nu e nimeni.
7. Stai cat de departe poti de toaleta si ridica rapid cele 2 capace.
8. Pisoiul iese cu viteza din toaleta, baie, casa. Odata ajuns afara, se usuca.
9. Toaleta si pisoiul stralucesc de curatenie.
10. Repeta pasii 1 - 9 cel putin o data pe zi, pentru o toaleta impecabila.

Cu respect,
Câinele

Sa va spun un banc scurt : "Banc!"
Si unul lung : "Baaaaaaannnnnnnnnnc!"

Interesant, nu?

foarte.

Aldi a scris:

http://video.neogen.ro/user/beary/eyupjtjrcwn7ccx0se2vrhnchobxvmba/

O zi obisnuita de lucru: Te trezesti, Nokia, Colgate, Nesscafe, Hochland, Orbit, Renault, Compaq, Epson, Nokia, Nokia. McDonalds, Coca-Cola, Orbit. Compaq, Epson, Nokia, Nokia. Renault. Tuborg. Tuborg-Tuborg-Tuborg-Tuborg. Nokia... Nokia. Durex-Durex. Colgate. Te culci.

The Rules Of Progressive Rock & Metal

1. Listen to prog (Obviously enough.)
2. All who do not understand prog are musically inferior.
3. Be simultaneously pensive and experimental if at all possible.
4. Listen to your favorite prog albums in silent awe.
5. Don't move at concerts. Just sit back and absorb the music...
6. Repeat all of the above while denouncing any prog-basher.
7. Never ever under any circumstances listen to Spock's Beard or Platypus.
8. When someone asks you if you enjoy Genesis, always point out "the prog Genesis". Phil Collins is a soft-rock sellout. Same goes for Yes.
9. Don't be James Labrie. Complain about this entry.
10. Never ever under any circumstances say "Hear In The New Frontier ruled."
11. Don't be Kelly Gray.
12. Proggies don't take out the garbage. They dispose of the refuse of icons past.
13. Don't pronounce words as silly as Charlie Domenici did on When Dream and Day Unite.
14. Make sure your album goes out of print quickly so prog fans will value it as a forgotten masterpiece.
15. When in doubt, say "epic progressive symphonic metal."
16. If that doesn't work, a synth solo or long instrumental excursion can fill any silence.
17. Turn any triangle you see into a Pink Floyd logo, or any M into a majesty symbol.
18. Nipple twisting is not a progressive activity.
19. Write an internet-only prog zine. Feature interviews and reviews that no non-proggie would know.
20. Always be open minded...as long as it's prog.
21. The best songs are those that are over 15 minutes, have multiple named sections, and have solos by everyone in the band except the drummer.
22. Don't be John Arch. Insist that any pre-Alder Fates is 100% not prog.
23. Don't make jokes, unless they are in jokes among proggies.
24. When in doubt, stare with a blank reflection.
25. To producers of progressive metal albums: Bad production is absolutely unacceptable. You must be able to hear every nuance and instrument.
26. Make sure that more than half of the members in your band are involved in outside projects a la Dream Theater.
27. When in concert, always include improvised jam sessions and/or never play the exact same setlist. This will ensure your fans something new to look forward to at every gig.
28. Or you could never play live (see Shadow Gallery) or only at multi-artist festivals.
29. When getting ready to a show, always forget that nobody at prog concerts pays attention to the audience, including the band.
30. When asked by a non-proggie what prog really is, say something like, “prog is the evolution of musical expression and experimentalism in rock
31. Fire one of your band members, and claim he left because he was going in a pop direction.
32. Reform with old members and release an album intended to make up for years of bad reception from fans (see Yes) or claim your next album will be a return to past glory (see Queensryche).
33. If it flops, be sure to blame a producer or record company.
34. Record everything in different studios with multiple producers, exotic instrumentation, expensive equipment, etc.
35. Make sure your album cover contains either a computer-drawn image, a lavish painting, or is illustrated by Roger Dean or Hugh Syme.
36. Publicly state that your band is non-religious, then make many religious and/or spiritual allusions in the lyrics.
37. Insist that music should always progress, although as long as you write an album in the prog vein, you don't necessarily have to.
38. Never write a song under four minutes unless it is an instrumental or is part of a larger concept.
39. All lyrics must have some mythological references and/or include words rarely used in casual conversation. This is not optional.
40. When referring to sex with a proggie use dense metaphorical language. Actually, this applies to just about every activity.
41. Thoroughly enjoy fantasy and science fiction, if only for their influence on prog.
42. Use prog quotes (especially from Neil Peart) at any given time.
43. If you suddenly find yourself being transformed into John Myung, never say a word to anyone and show absolutely no emotion.
44. Own hundreds of prog albums, bootlegs, rarities, etc. and listen to all of them regularly.
45. Refrain from using headbanging smileys. (Ok, BB-specific one.)
46. Playing in 4/4 and writing about sex, drugs, and parties is not prog, unless it is meant to create irony or have some deeper hidden meaning.
47. Don't take pride in your home town, state, or country. Prog is a universal language.
48. Don't be David Gilmour. There is no Floyd without Roger.
49. Insist that following prog does not make one a nerd. (This could be "snob", too. - DB)
50. Try to draw connections between obscure references in albums.
51. Don't make non-prog references when describing prog albums.
52. If possible, design the title of your album that it refers to some imaginary place that nonetheless serves as a metaphor for this world (Metropolis pt. II, The Towers Of Avarice, The Global Village, Remedy Lane, etc.) But also be aware that one-word titles can be equally effective (Awake, Signals, etc.)
53. Never collaborate with anyone signed to Magna Carta.
54. If it's rare, it must be good. Order it immediately.
55. If you're not a proggie, stop reading this. You won't understand.
56. Own every (insert 70s cult prog act here) release. Every proggie has at least one lesser known band he is absolutely obsessed with.
57. Own rare bootlegs that you're sure nobody else has heard.
58. Attempt to throw in instrumental sections that non-proggies will consider random, but will be appreciated and studied by prog fans. (This is why "Paranoid Android" sucks. - DB)
59. In order to make your recording more progressive, be sure to include a lyricist that will have a prodigious grasp of the English language and incredible poetic ability.
60. You mean you have been reading this when you could have been practicing along to 2112 or composing a sidelong epic? Shame!

genial!!!

e vechi. e cate o asemenea lista pentru fiecare gen de metal.

Deci o stiti si pe aia cu dragonul, nu?

aa, da. o ai, ca nu mai stiu de pe ce site era. mama ce am ras la aia. dar tre sa fi la curent cu subgenurile metalului ca sa te prinzi

There is a beautiful princess trapped in a castle guarded by a dragon. Here is the end of the story with different kind of metalheads as knights.

* POWER METAL The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

* THRASH METAL The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.

* HEAVY METAL The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.

* FOLK METAL The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.

* VIKING METAL The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

* DEATH METAL The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

* BLACK METAL The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

* GORE METAL The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her.Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

* GRIND METAL The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

* DOOM METAL The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

* GOTHIC METAL The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duett by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell's eternity.

* PROGRESSIVE METAL The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.

* INDUSTRIAL METAL The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes anobscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

* SPEED METAL Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.

* CHRISTIAN METAL The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."

* GLAM METAL The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.

* BATTLE METAL The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.

* NU METAL The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

* EMO The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get the princess to fall in love with him, He gets eaten. The princess is very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.

* GRUNGE The protagonist doesn't get eaten by the dragon because he stinks too much from not washing his hair in months. The princess won't go near him either, and he ends up dying on the town hall steps with the other mosha's due to the over consumption of white cider.

* POP-PUNK The dragon can't eat the protagonist because he can't catch him because he keeps bouncing up and down. The princess won't f*ck him either, because he likes ska.

O ZI DIN VIATA UNUI EMO KID

Literatura:

cu poza aferenta




5:00- M-a trezit surioara mai mica, iarasi a venit beata. Stie doar sa bea si sa mearga la concerte, ea nu ma iubeste… Eu cand eram de varsta ei aveam colectie de timbre. Iarasi nu pot sa adorm, va trebui sa-mi rod lacul de pe unghii.
6:00- Imi rod lacul de pe unghii.
7:00- A proape ca m-a vazut maica-mea ca imi rod lacul de pe unghii. Mi-az is sa imi ridic din pat fundul de poponar necajit si sa ma duc la scoala. She makes me cry.
7:05- Am inceput sa ma pregatesc de scoala, mi-am imbracat pantalonii, stramti. Mai multe insigne, mai multe, mai multe. Fuck! Mi-a pierdut o insigna! I hate this stupide world. Sa nu imi uit caciula si sa-mi fac ochii cat mai negri.
7:20- M-a vazut sor-mea. A inceput sa rada. Punkista dracului!
7:21- Mi-a cazut o insigna. Am agatat-o la loc.
7:28- Mi-a cazut o insigna. Am agatat-o la loc.
7:35- Mi-am pus caciula in cap, ies din casa si observ ca imi lipseste o insigna. Am gasit-o,am agatato la loc.
7:50- Mi-am pus un ciorap pe cap, nu caciula(ma gandeam de ce ma strange atat de rau caciula asta).!&%& happens. M-am intors acasa, mi-am luat caciula, m-am dus la scoala.
8:20- Am intarziat la ora, nu m-au lasat sa intru in clasa,stau pe hol. Plang.
8:41- S-a terminat ora, am intrat in clasa, mi-am aruncat geanta, am iesit pe sala si stateam trist.
8:43- I hate my life. Stam cu emokids in cinci, plangem.
9:00- Stau la ora si plang.
9:10- M-au dat afara de la ora, stau pe sala, plang.
9:15- M-m dus la baie.
9:16- Am ajuns la baie sa ma pis. Am inceput sa plang, am uitat sa ma pis.
9:17- Iesind de la baie mi-a cazut o insigna. In buda. L-am luat, l-am agatat la loc.
9:18- Ma uit in oglinda, sunt dragut. Ar trebui sa-mi fac o poza.
9:31- (pauza) Au venit emokids si au zis ca sunt tru. Trecea sormea pe langa mine si a inceput sa rada. I-am zis ca e rea. Ea mi-a dat un bocanc in fata. She makes me cry.
9:35- Emokids i-au zis ca nu are dreptate. A inceput sa ii bata pe toti cu bocancii.
9:37- Am vrut sa fug, m-a batut din nou.
9:44- Stau la ora , ma dor venele.
10:10- Am scris scrisoarea de ramas bun pe banca.
10:12- M-a vazut profa, m-a dat afara de la ora. Stau si plang.
10:21- Stau la cantina. Am inceput sa plang, am uitat sa mananc. A trecut sormea pe langa mine si mi-a dat un capac. Iesind de la cantina mi-a cazut o insigna in vasul cu resturi. L-am luat, l-am agatat la loc.
10:29- M-au vazut emokids si au zis ca sunt tru.
10.40- Stau la ora, imi scriu scrisoarea de ramas bun. Inca fara sange. Da-l in plm de sange, principal e sa fie cat mai trista.
10:50- Am terminat de scris, am incercat sa citesc si profa m-a dat afara. Iesind din clasa mi-a cazut o insigna, a cazut dupa calorifer, am ridicat-o si am agatato la loc.
11:11- (pauza) Emo kids au vazut insigna, auzis ca sunt tru. Le-am dat si lor sa citeasca scrisoarea. Au zis ca sunt si ma tru. Trece fratimiu, a citit si el scrisoarea si mi-a zis ca sunt un idiot, si ca ce fac nu e tru. Eu l-am intrebat ce e tru? El mi-a dat mp3-ul sa ascult la ore. Ramones si Sex Pistols.
12:30- Ascultam muzica la ore si m-am speriat, am inceput sa plang! Am fugit din clasa. (eu steam ca fratimiu asculta cacaturi, dar nu credeam ca atat de oribile). In timp ce fugeam mi-a cazut o insigna. Al ridicat-o, am pus-o la loc. M-a ajuns profu din urma, m-a luat de guler, m-a adus in clasa si mi-a spus ca sunt poponar. Dupa m-a dat afar ape sala.
12:45- Stau si plang.
12:50- (pauza) le-am dat baietilor sa asculte si ei la mp3. Costica a lesinat, vasile a inceput sa planga, Vova ne-a marturisit ca a ramas fara oja roz, si a intrat intr-o depresie, Lionia in tipete a fugit, i-a cazut o insigna. Fratimiu a vazut aceasta scena, mi-a luat mp3-ul , mi-a spart fata si a zis ca suntem…
13:00- Am inceput sa ma dau la Svetlana, mi-a zis ca sunt un poponar infect. Upi! Ma place! Stau si plang de bucurie.
13:20- M-a dat afara profu din clasa.
13:40- S-au terminat orele. I-am asteptat pe emokids. Pe rand scapand insigne si ridicadu-le ne-am dus spre casa. Ne-am inteles sa ne intalnim pe la 4.
14:00- Am ajuns acasa, nu era nimeni, asa ca am pus Tokio Hotel, stau, imi rod lacul de pe unghii.
14:20- A venit sormea si mi-a oprit casetofonul, s-a culcat.
14:40- Am pornit casetofonul si am trezit-o pe sormea… Mi-a spart fata, am incercat sa ripostez…
14:50- AAAA!!! She makes me cry.
15:00- Stau legat de calorifer cu un ciorap in gura, cu castile in urechi. Canta ceva oribil! I want to die.
15:10- pe la sormea au trecut niste tovarasi, am pus gecile pe mine si am inceput sa ma bata cu piciorele.
15:20- A venit mama, a dat cu piciorul in gramada de haine si dupa gemetele scoase de mine si-a dat seama ca e cineva acolo
15:30- Mama m-a dezlegat si m-a trimis dupa paine.
16:00- Stau la alimentara la coada, langa mine stau niste baieti cheliosi si se uita ciudat la mine. (cred ca ma invidiaza ca am atatea insigne tari)
16:10- M-au batut, mi-au luat banii, am incercat sa ma ridic , mi-a cazut o insigna, am agatat-o la loc.
16:20- Am ajuns acasa, mama m-a batut si s-a dus dupa paine. @!#$ happens.
16:30- Am intarziat la intalnirea cu emokids.
16:35- Emokids au zis ca nu mai sunt tru.
16:37- Mi-a cazut o insigna.
16:40- Ne-am impacat cu emokids. Stam si plangem.
16:55- A trecut un punkist pe langa noi. I-am zis ca e un dobitoc si sa se duca in p***** noastre. Si tot grupul nostrum (25 de personae) l-am batut! Ce adevarati suntem!!!
17:10- Au venit 10 punkisti si ne-au batut rau de tot. ce prosti, oricum noi suntem mai tru!!!
17:30- Adunam marunt pentru bere. (upi! Ce tru suntem)
17:32- Vanzatoarea nu vroia sa ne dea bere.
17:35- Am reusit sa o convingem pe vanzatoare sa ne dea bere, am luat 2 litri. (iupi! Suntem mai tru de cat toti!)
17:50- Vroiam sa le deschidem, a venit sora mea si inca 4 punkisti, ne-au luat berea.
18:00- Treceau trei tipe pe strada, am inceput sa ma dau la ele, au venit in spre mine si mi-au zis ca sunt un virgin neputincios , si sa le las in pace de poponar infect ce sunt… ce sexy sunt, ele sigur ma vor si ma invidiaza, ptentru ca am machiajul mai tru!!!
18:15- Vova ne-a zis ca e virgin si a intrat in depresie.
18:20- Am vazut o nunta, alexandru a zisca mireasa e imbracata in alb pentru ca e… (am hotarat san e imbracam de maine numai in alb).
18:30- Am ajuns acasa, am mancat, si m-am dus sa ma uit la desene.
17:00- S-au terminat desenele si m-am asezat sa imi scriu ultimul ravas.
17:20- Ascult tokio hotel, e o formatie emo…
19:00- a venit surioara mea mai mica, m-a batut si a plecat…
21:00- Mama mi-a zis sa ma culc. “mama am deja 17 ani, pot sa ma rad pe picioare?”
21:05- M-a batut mama la fund. Stau in pat si incerc sa adorm. @!#$!!
21:10- Nu pot sa adorm, unde-mi sunt unghiile alea vopsite?
21:15- Mi-am ros lacul de pe unghii. Am adormit.

^^^ De-ai sti cati de astia sunt in Atena...

The C Programmer

* God consults with the C programmer on every major issue.

The C programmer can walk on water.

He programs on a P90 with 8 Meg RAM w/ Mach32. He can program a graphical spreadsheet in about 2 days.

The C programmer tends to put "()" after every major verb when they talk or write: "are you going() to see() NIN tomorrow? I'll try() to get() tickets!"

The VB Programmer

* The VB programmer does lunch with God every day.

He is an olympic class swimmer.

He programs on a 486dx/2 66 with 8 Meg RAM w/ SVGA and can program a good text based spreadsheet in a little over a week.

The Turbo Pascal Programmer

* The Turbo Pascal programmer occasionally has a word with God.

He can swim pretty well.

He programs on a 486dx 33 with 4Meg RAM and can program a complicated scientific calculator in a week and a half.

The TP Programmer tends to put "begin" and "end" before every major topic: "begin That new game is awesome, man! end"

The Fortran Programmer

* The Fortran programmer sometimes catches a glimpse of God.

He manages to keep himself afloat in shallow water.

He programs on a DEC VAX with a VT100 (he's too manly for a GUI). A Fortran programmer can do a passable calculation device in a few weeks.

Nobody really knows how Fortran programmers talk because there are so few of them these days.

The QBASIC Programmer

* The QBASIC programmer knows who God is.

He has trouble avoiding drowning in his own bathtub.

QBASIC programmer works on a 486sx 25 with 4 Meg RAM. He can write a program that accepts two numbers and adds them together in just under 4 weeks.

The LOGO Progammer

* About the only thing a Logo programmer knows about GOD is that the word is short enough for him to sound out, but he has trouble spelling it.

He wets himself with a squirt gun.

He programms on an Apple IIc, and can do a program that puts a box on the screen that some may argue looks like a calculator in about 8 weeks (with help from his teacher).

The LOGO programmer can't actually talk very well, but instead draws a whole lot of pictures, crayon being their favorite media.

**** BUT ****
The Assembly Language Programmer

* The assembly language programmer is God.

He parts the water when he wishes to cross it.

He programs on what ever he damm well pleases and can do a multi-tasking, multi-user networkable operating system that includes a GUI spreadsheet during his coffee break.